It was love after all
by rxdonmyledger
Summary: In which Natasha discovers the truth about Loki's fate. It seems the time to wipe out the red on her ledger has come.


Thor's words were like white noise for Natasha. Her grip on the table was tight and her knuckles were white while the God explained what happened during his time away from Midgard. He spoke about Sakaar. He spoke about Thanos.

About Loki.

The Black Widow didn't want to believe his words. No. The God of Mischief could not be dead. Not him. He had faked his death before. Why would it be different this time?

But Natasha Romanova had been taught to read emotions and with one single glance she knew Thor wasn't lying. The God was teary-eyed and he had tired as Hell. She'd never seen him that way.

"Are you sure you want to…" Thor had said before talking.

She didn't want to. Not after seeing half of her friends and people she knew vanishing in front of her. Shuri, T'Challa, James. Everyone. He had made it. Thanos. He had fulfilled his wish.

He had wiped out half of the population.

She couldn't take it. Hearing the story of Loki's death, the way he had been killed. It was too much. But she did. She forced herself to listen. She had to. She owed it to him. Hearing about him in his last moments.

"He was madly in love with you, Natasha" Thor said with a sad tone, staring at her. Her green eyes were fixed on the table and she knew she'd regret it if she lifted her head.

They were all staring at her. She could feel it. Poor little Natasha, alone again. The Black Widow, with the red in her ledger still dripping, losing everyone she loved and that dared to love her back.

She was cursed.

Natalia Romanova stood up and walked out of the room, noticing the eyes still observing her movements. But they didn't blame her. They all had lost people they loved. Wanda had lost Vision before she vanished and now his body was in a casket, waiting to be taken in a helicarrier to the Avengers' compound, where they would give him the funeral he deserved.

The now blonde woman stood in the kitchen, looking desperately for a glass. Inside one of the cabinets she found a bottle of whiskey and she filled the glass. Her throat burned when the liquid went down it and she coughed, swallowing hard. Her blood was boiling in rage and sadness and she tossed the glass. It shattered in pieces and she felt a sob escaping her lips.

Tears appeared in her eyes and she tried to collect herself. Yet, the salty liquid ran down her cheeks and she covered her face with her hands. She was the Black Widow, for heavens' sake. What was going on?

You lost him.

The last time she had seen Loki it had been a few weeks ago. He had appeared in her room and spent the whole time showing her how much he loved her. Loki told Natasha about Sakaar and how he was planning to do things right. Just for once.

"I'm coming home, Tasha. Just…wait for me"

But he never came.

Thanos intercepted the spaceship before they could make it. According to Thor, Thanos had killed Heimdall and half of his people, along with his brother. Natasha had been caught by surprise when she heard about it. Thor admitted Loki wanted to keep the secret, to surprise her.

And now, she had lost him. The man she loved. Gone. Killed.

She used to have nothing. Then she got the Avengers. That family. Loki. But fate wanted to play again.

Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the countertop and her red eyes observed the wakandian landscape behind the window. She promised herself they would find a way to bring everybody back.

She would find Thanos.

And he would pay for it.

* * *

Whatever it takes.

Natasha felt the snow flowing around them. They had been in that situation for what seemed to be hours. She was sitting on a rock, looking at a certain point without looking at all.

"How do we know he's not lying?"

"He's not"

"Because he knew your father's name?"

"I didn't"

Clint fell silent and Natasha knew that he was thinking the same. Whatever they wanted or not, this was the endgame. They had to choose and the stone asked for a soul.

The Black Widow stood up and looked at his long life friend. His gaze was as determined as hers and she knew this wasn't going to end well. They approach each other and stared at the other's eyes for a while.

"You know what's going to happen"

"Nat…you know the things I did"

"Well…it's a relief I don't judge people on their worst mistakes"

"Tasha…"

"You think I want to do it? I'm trying to save your life, idiot"

Clint Barton stood there, staring at her friend for a moment before his lips curved into a soft smile, nodding softly. Natasha felt the lump in her throat getting bigger and she swallowed hard.

Whatever it takes.

"You're a pain in the ass" She chuckled and closed her eyes when Clint approached her, his body close to hers, pressing their foreheads together, enjoying what they knew it would be their last time.

And there she was.

After that fight. After being pushed away by Clint, trying to be the one jumping. But again, she had been smarter. The cold wind hit her features while her hand grabbed Clint's. They both knew this was the end. And she was not going to allow his children to grow up without a father.

Not like she did.

"Let me go"

"No…please, no"

She hesitated for a moment. Her eyes gleaming with unshed tears as she swallowed hard. Her lips curved into a soft smile as she looked at him. Assuringly. Confident. She was ready.

"It's okay"

Her feet pushed her away from the wall and she felt Clint's hand slipping from her. His voice echoing in the void of Vormir.

"Nat!"

She was ready. She had been ready all her life. She was trained in the Red Room, endured under the most terrible missions and trainings. She was made of marble.

Her life flashed before her eyes. The Red Room. The KGB. Budapest. Clint's helping hand. His smile. Steve. Tony. The Avengers. His family. The last five years, trying to help everybody, to get everybody back.

Loki.

Her last moments were thinking of him. His soft kissed pressed on her plump lips in the morning. His smile, his loving touches on her scarred skin. His deep voice telling her how much he loved her, how much he needed her. The things they would do when they were free.

Together they were unstoppable.

Who needed a throne when he had a queen on her own? he used to say.

Natalia Alianovna Romanova closed her eyes and welcome death as an old friend.

* * *

Where am I?

Is this what it feels like? To be dead?

Natasha stood up and she noticed she felt…different. As if she had let go all her sorrow. All her pain. The weight she carried had faded. She felt…

Free.

"It seems it was love after all, Agent Romanoff"

She turned abruptly when she heard him. That voice. That deep and rich voice that had whispered his love for her. The voice that had called her name while in bed. The voice of the man she gave her heart to.

Loki.

Natasha Romanoff watched him as he got closer, his raven hair in soft curls and his clothes as she remembered. Green, black and gold. His lips flashed a smile and she threw herself into his arms before smacking him with her fists.

"You idiot! You had to come home alive"

He chuckled and held her, allowing him to bury his face on her soft red hair. She smelled the same. And Gods, how he had missed that aroma. Natasha sobbed softly and he cupped her face, wiping her tears away before kissing her.

"You did good, Tasha. I'm so proud of you. Now, you ledger is wiped out"

Natasha smiled softly and closed her eyes when his lips pressed against her own, her body flushed against his. It felt perfect. As if they were meant to be.

"I'm afraid you are stuck with me forever, Agent Romanoff"

"Well, it's a relief that I love you"

Loki's eyes shone with happiness and observed the features of the woman he loved, smiling proudly before peppering kissed over her face, kissing her lips one more time.

"I love you, Tasha"

"I love you too, Loki"


End file.
